AMA Reaches Agreement With ACAOM on Doctorate Degree Abbreviation

After much contention between the American Medical Association (AMA) and the ACAOM over the proposed first professional doctorate degree in acupuncture and Oriental Medicine, a compromise was reached that will alter the healthcare acronym landscape into a terrain that can be more easily navigated by patients.  The AMA has agreed to change the Medical Doctor abbreviation MD, to the new Western Medical Doctor, abbreviated WMD.  In turn, doctorate level acupuncturists will use the title Doctor Of Acupuncture, shortened to DOA.  The change, both organizations hope, will allow patients to understand the role of each practitioner and mitigate possible confusion in the public.  Spokesperson for the AMA, Ronald Bush commenting from his office in Washington D.C., explained.  “We want the public to feel more comfortable with the fact that the United States of America has not only the most, but the best and most effective WMDs on the planet.  We all seem to forget that from time to time.  Our WMDs travel all over the world and we would like to bring as many DOAs as possible with them.  WMDs save lives.  Now our WMDs can align with DOAs to further peace, health and prosperity in the world, with very little confusion as to who’s who.  This is Integrative Medicine.”  

The subject of Integrative Medicine has captivated many in both the western and eastern medical establishment.  While the idea seems promising, the notion that acupuncturists would be doctors weighed heavily on those in the western medical community, who were primarily concerned with potential public misperceptions that acupuncturists have equal training as western medical doctors and are trained to diagnose and treat western medical disorders.  The AMA was concerned that people would turn to a DOA when they really should be seeking a WMD.  “Every modality must play their particular role in the medicine of the future.  People all over the world are seeking WMDs, that will never change as long as the United States has so many of them.  Hopefully, one day, even the sickest of individuals will be able to get their hands on a WMD.  That is our ultimate goal and with the number of them we produce every year, that likelihood gets stronger every day.  We’d also like for other countries, even ones not diplomatically friendly with the US, to launch as many WMDs as they can spare over here, to interact with our doctors of acupuncture and at our most prestigious acupuncture schools.  That would be a blast!”  said Bush.

With the new professional abbreviations, however, both parties are sure that they can educate patients as to the different roles that each modality plays in the healthcare field. Acupuncture clinics will be required to declare that they are WMD free zones, while any western medical facility must indicate that many people on the grounds are DOA.  It will take some getting used to, but as Integrative Medicine is the medicine of the future, it appears that these changes are not only inevitable, but also necessary.  “My greatest hope is that a patient will come to my acupuncture clinic instead of being seen by a WMD, and then become a DOA…. you know, decide to go to acupuncture school because they see how great we are!”, said Sherry Wood, current L.Ac. and future DOA.   

WMDs and DOAs are destined to mingle together as long as they both exist.  ACAOM spokesperson, Shelia Levin commented. “WMDs and DOAs are forever linked, they dance together like the yin and yang, and we must encourage that marriage.  If either WMDs or DOAs were to disappear, the world would be a sad, sorry place.”  

The acupuncture profession is well on its way to becoming DOA with the first professional doctorate.  Ultimately, a utopian future could envision all DOAs becoming WMDs.  The first professional doctorate is a noble step toward that brave new world.

Author: The Zang Fool

<p> This is a satirical blog post by a practitioner that is serious in his attempts to both increase acupunctures accessibility to the public and challenge practitioners preconceived notions of what acupuncture is and how it functions in society. It may make you laugh, but that is just a means to an end. That end is thought and ultimately positive change. This is what all good satire does: prick, prod and provoke thought and positive change within a community. </p> <p> Satire has long been a part of muckraking and this profession is teeming with muck.  So, in the wake of the nonsense spewed from the foul anus of the Acupuncture-Industrial Complex come my musings on life, love and the proposed doctoral program. </p>