How The Market Decides

seussical prose for educational purposes…


“…the Commission’s role is to develop and pilot standards that have a reasonable level of support from the communities of interest, and it is the marketplace that determines whether or not there is sufficient support and economic viability for a new degree level and thus whether a migration from one degree level to another is warranted.” – Dort Bigg, Executive Director ACAOM

“…we (Tri-State College) became strongly involved in the process to develop first professional doctoral standards, because we believed then, that with the country evenly divided on the FPD, those colleges that wanted to begin offering such programs certainly deserved that opportunity, if their own internal analyses showed real interest among its graduates, students and potential market.”– Mark Seem, President of Tri-State College of Acupuncture, NY   

(third quote removed due to a legitimate source request as statement was bound to privacy ….booooo!  However, what if a hypothetical President of a hypothetical state association made a hypothetical comment about the proposed doctorates acceptance in the market?)


It’s time to do an exercise, to close your eyes and visualize

and when we’re done, there’ll be no surprise, about how the market decides.

Now, this is the rationale we hear, as the deadline for comment to ACAOM draws near.

That the market must surely have its voice, and in the end will make the choice

select the degree that is best suited, the less popular degree will then be booted

an FP Masters or an FPD, the market must decide what will or won’t be.

That’s not up to silly you or me!

So if you have a couch or a comfortable seat, relax your eyes and throw up your feet.

Don’t worry yourself, this won’t take a bit.

Now do what I say and go sit!

And imagine a big pile of shit.

It’s dark!  It’s smelly!  It’s wet!  It’s hairy!

Fat flies are flying around it like fairies.

’cause flies fly to shit, this fact does not vary

And here is the mental summation: this big pile of shit represents AOM education!

And the flies- most students and practitioners in this nation.

Do you see how the market decides?

If the product is shit it is bound to draw flies.

I hope that so far you have all seen the point

that the market, the product and the purchaser are enjoined.

That the product itself will define who is the buyer

and anyone that says anything else is a god-damn fucking liar.

Now please stay right there where you sit

and try to envision an even bigger pile of shit.

It’s darker! It’s wetter!  Its smell is much deader!

The fat flies are finding this shit pile much better.

They’re leaving the first pile and no one’s surprised

not many will cry, least of all the flies.

’cause a bigger pile of shit will make any fly more happy, you see?

And that’s how the doctorate will replace that Masters degree!

And PD semantics will flee. A diploma is toilet paper, agree?

And we can all wipe our asses with a shiny FPD.

It’s not really magic or a sinister curse,

that new and old flies are not choosing the first.

That old pile of shit for the new pile that’s much bigger,

this really shouldn’t be very hard to consider.

When it comes to shit, I hope you agree

that there’s no pile quite higher than the AOM FPD.

So I hope you can see how the market decides.

The bigger pile of shit will attract the most flies.

A bunch of fat flies with shit in their eyes.

An invisible hand? Oh, please don’t you lie.

It’s the product that determines who’ll buy

and of course the cost will create the supply.

And we can all watch demand continue to die.

Oh, but the happy buzz-buzzing of flies!

And that is how the market decides. 

The Zang Fool
Author: The Zang Fool

<p> This is a satirical blog post by a practitioner that is serious in his attempts to both increase acupunctures accessibility to the public and challenge practitioners preconceived notions of what acupuncture is and how it functions in society. It may make you laugh, but that is just a means to an end. That end is thought and ultimately positive change. This is what all good satire does: prick, prod and provoke thought and positive change within a community. </p> <p> Satire has long been a part of muckraking and this profession is teeming with muck.  So, in the wake of the nonsense spewed from the foul anus of the Acupuncture-Industrial Complex come my musings on life, love and the proposed doctoral program. </p>

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  1. Never thought of the FPD as

    Never thought of the FPD as a good substitute for TP

    Zang Fool, you’re clearly the king of stool

    I hope your seussical is considered by every acu school.

  2. getting seussical makes me feel comical

    Hey ZF…. what’s brown and sticky?





    a stick…


    What’s brown and sounds like a bell?










     and a couple of one liners gleaned from near and far:

    “issues don’t divide people  — people divide people”

    (I may not have had enough bio-med training, but I think they’re talking about cell-division) 


    and after all don’t you know guns don’t kill people

     doctors kill people




    and how many acupuncturists does it take to change a light bulb?



    just one, since the everything is already revolving around him/her….



    how many does it take to change the entry-level degree?




    now that’s a much funnier punch line don’t you think…