Ending a hiatus of nearly 20 years, AOM super-group The Shen Men have announced plans for a nationwide tour set to kick off on the steps of California State Capitol Hill, Saturday, April 23rd in Sacramento. The event will reunite the long estranged 5-piece original AOM boy band as the AAAOM launches its AOM Unite America! campaign. The tour has been named “Consensus 2009” and the band renowned for dressing up in Kiss-like costumes representing the 5-Spirits of Chinese organ theory is back and ready to rock! Widely rumored to consist of the biggest names in the AOM establishment including the presidents of large AOM schools, The Shen Men collectively decided that personal egos needed to step aside in the name of personal gain, and it was time once again to resort to song and dance in the name of professional advancement.
The Shen Men have not performed together since a feud between the ever volatile Hun and the quiet, brooding Po. In a now infamous moment of rage, Hun slapped Po onstage while performing at the Tri-State College of Acupuncture in 1991 when Po tried to sing his favorite number “OMD”. The times have changed, however, and the Shen Men are all made up and ready to reunite in the name of professional unity and advancement.
With songs written especially for the AAAOM 2009 agenda including the first professional doctorate, hiring a lobbyist, Medicare coverage, attention from Barak Obama and actually getting people to join the AAAOM, the band is eager to dust off the old costumes and start gyrating their hips once again (though they better be careful…those hips are getting pretty old!). There is nothing more important than ensuring that the AAAOM doesn’t get laughed off the line when they attempt to influence legislation with a membership that represents a bloated 5% of license holders and The Shen Men are ready to do their part. A source at the AAAOM leaked the set list with sample lyrics.
“Consensus” lyrics point straight at the doctorate.
Can’t you just sense it, consensus, there’s no holding us back
No one can fence us, consensus, we’ll get back on the track
AOM is failing and we blame it all
On that dirty piece of paper hanging on the wall
When the phone rings I want to grin
When my reception says ‘Yes, maam the Doctor is in!’
Then there’s the hard pounding dance number “Lobbyist”.
Unless you’re a hobbyist, you gonna need a lobbyist
What better way to reform, then to join the norm
No, we’re not delirious, we’ve never been so serious
We’ll buy Sebelius caviar, and a member funded car
Lastly, there’s the tender ballad simply entitled, “Barak”.
Barak, it’s only fair
AOM should get caught up in Medicare
Barak, we see your Qi
it’s Essential and Upright
We are pleading on this night
For some Medicare funds
We only want what is fair, Barak
We’ll do our part to gut it
The trough is open, please don’t shut it
The show is rumored to be free in the hopes that people will actually show and the AAAOM won’t embarrass themselves on the steps of the state capitol building. Then again, no one will be looking so it should be ok. CEU credits will be offered to practitioners in attendance and “The Men” will be signing autographs when the music stops. After rocking Sacremento, The Shen Men will begin a long grueling tour of some of the bigger name colleges in the country including, but not limited to Bastyr, Tri-State College of Acupuncture, Academy of Oriental Medicine at Austin, 5 Emperors, Oregon College of Oriental Medicine, East West College of Natural Medicine, the PCOM empire and a rooftop gig at NCCAOM headquarters in Florida. Attendance by the student body will be mandatory as the songs are littered with practice management advise that can only help students as they plan their careers.
So lets help the AAAOM hire a lobbyist and unite America! Then, we can help them acquire weapons grade plutonium to promote world peace. The Shen Men are ready to do their part. Are you? Oh, and will you please go to the freaking AAAOM FPD survey site and vote ‘no’ already, that is if you haven’t done so yet? The clowns are extending this thing as long as possible in order to make it look like there is actually a profession out there.