Song to Keep Up Your Sleeve


Hey everyone. This being my first blog entry, it would seem appropriate for me to go in to my story and maybe write a blog about my experiences with community acupuncture or something like that….that blog idea is in the shop, so I’ll save the spiel for another day and for now just say, HI! My name is Josh. Please be forewarned as well, propper grammar isn’t my strong point. I love run-on sentences, excessive use of commas, my spelling can be iffy, and I often tend to work in some slang that isn’t generally accepted or even used by anyone else other than…..well, me. Sometimes I’ll even create new grammar rules based solely on how it looks on paper aesthetically. Thanks for your dilligence in getting through it. Godspeed to you!

A Song to Keep Up Your Sleeve, a tune to hum.

A play on words, a practical tool.

Divine intervention, an ancient medical text.

I have always found myself giving nicknames. Often it’s for people, but places, things, situations, and any other type of nameable scenario might find itself a new name as well. The names often appear on their own accord. i don’t usually even know where they come from or why they do, but they do. And in the same way the appear and take form, they usually begin to change form and take on a life of their own by morphing in to continued variations on the theme. Not unlike the telephone game, a name might end up quite far from its original reference it was given. It becomes part of an oral history through time though, adapting to the needs and serving the given moment. I think of Chinese medicine and acupuncture in this regard too. Through time Chinese medicine is always born again and again, shaped by the context of the given time period, continent, culture, etc. and that is what is so powerful and beautiful about it. Its fluid. The rules by nature always change and it is a part of a bigger cycle of events than we can even imagine. As we explore and continue to dive in to its depths, we are learning not just the names of the old songs and how to sing them, but HOW to sing so that we may write our own songs.

With that said here is my current playlist of nicknames for point protocols. still trying to find the ICD-9 codes so I can bill insurance for them….

Deck the Galls: (Gb34/Beside 3 miles/GB41). Disperse!

The David Copperfield: When you’ve hand scanned the body for needles after a treatment 4x, but when they get up, ouch! somehow you missed one…and St36 of all places?!?

Full Metal Jacket: (Ht3/7, PC3/7, LU5/9). Mirrors all leg meridians!

The M.F.ML10 Experience!:(Miriam Lee 10 points). Like gettin tossed a softball for a home run treatment. Don’t ask what the needles were dipped in….

The Jean Claude Van Damme: Usually happens when you are getting too comfortable and when your face is a little too close to the foot. You needle in to LV3 and have to quickly dodge an unexpected foot to the face.

Tripple Jiao, Tripple Ow: Is it just me or is almost every point on this meridian sketchy.

Renny and the Jets:(4 doors, ren6/12 and St25s). sometimes you just gotta get things moving.

The Bermuda Triangle:(bi tong & yin tang). Because sinus congestion disappears. har har.

The Dark One Cometh:(St8s). eh.

The Krueger a.k.a. Nightmare On Well st.: (Any of Richard Tan’s 1:4 or jing well heavy treatments). You do want your patient’s to come back right?

Eureka! a.k.a There Will Be Blood… (That big fat purple vein at UB40 taunting you to a duel).

The Shenhawk:(Du20/24 and Yin Tang). Who said Punk rock and acupuncture have nothing in common?

Highway to the Danger Zone:(Ren 1/Du 1 return treatment). I heard the Zang fool has a whole practice built on this protocol alone. funny how everyone fits the Differential Dx.

The Chicago Typewriter: Your patient with what seemed to be a simple case of digestive upset is 8 treatments deep…with ZERO improvement. Oops, did I really just put in 45 needles???

The Jean Paul Sartre: You are stuck. Complex case and no idea where to begin. you start putting in needles anyway, but with each insertion you wonder WHY did i just do that point!? and it only gets progressively worse as you seem to have no mental or physical control over the process and can only bear witness to each of the next points going in with even less of a reason than the one before it….the screams in your head are getting louder and louder, demanding to know WHY!?! at the end of your shift you collapse in to the deepest darkest recesses of the known and unknown universes and swear off all human contact forever. But you eventually pull it together and come out of your complete mental collapse over the futility of it all a few days later, put your clothes back on and come down from the mountain top only to run in to your patient at the grocery store….. It was the best treatment she’s ever had….those voices again….WHY!!!???

Contraindicated protocols: 

-the schedule emptier:(at least 1/2 or Tungs points). If you’re not needling the hand/palm, face, or  finger, you are bleeding tai yang in to a bucket.

-no SHUS, no shirt, no service: self explanatory.

-talkin’ bad insertion blues: it’s bad.

Related Articles

Conference Keynote: Breaking the Ceiling

The theme for this conference is “Breaking Barriers”. You know, there are so many barriers to break in acupuncture that it was really hard to choose which ones to talk about for this speech. But since I’ve spent so much time talking about classism as a barrier, I thought it might be fun to shift gears a little and talk about numbers.

Responses

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  1. I love the shen hawk… use

    I love the shen hawk… use it all the time.

  2. Highway to the Danger Zone

    Highway to the Danger Zone:(Ren 1/Du 1 return treatment)

    That’s a through and through with one needle, right? 

     

    David
    The Hammer from SF

  3. I love this blog

    Especially The Jean Paul Sartre. Who has not had this experience? The only thing worse is the sequel, when the patient asks you to do it again!

  4.  

    “Highway to the Danger

     

    “Highway to the Danger Zone:(Ren 1/Du 1 return treatment). I
    heard the Zang fool has a whole practice built on this protocol alone.
    funny how everyone fits the Differential Dx.”

    there’s nothing that a good finger in the butt won’t fix.

  5. Welcome to you, sir!

    You set the bar pretty high with your first post.  I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard since the last ZF post.  (I almost got JCVD’d the other day, too!  And the JPS is my favorite.)

  6. .

    cool, glad you liked it. i gotta say, your posts have always brought many a’ laugh to me.

    i forgot one more too:

    The FPD: pneumothorax.

  7. No, it is not just you!

    it is me too!  triple jiao, triple owww, I totally agree. 

    Thanks for the laughs… and the line to use next time someone demands a back treatment. 

    I wish I could photocopy this list and next time a patient asks me what I am doing to them, I’ll pull it out, circle a treatment, and hand it over.  So easy! 

  8. LOL! 

    LOL! 

    i humbly submit these offerings for the list:

    butt rock:  when distal points won’t move that local hip/glute pain, get out the 5-cun 30-40mm and hit those trigger points in the lateral rotaters and glutes.  GB 29 or 30 anyone?

    stayin’ alive: stayin alive, ah ha ah ha stayin alive , stayin’ aliiiiive… a couple of my patients fall asleep slumped to the side during treatment – i pause walking by to see if they are still breathing. phew.

    lightning strikes (aerosmith): yoo-hoo, Josh, Larry, wanna get a treatment?  heh heh.

  9. LOL!

    I love it! Big fan of Deck the Galls and Shen Hawk. As for the Sartre… so familiar. I love this post, keep ’em coming!

    Naomi

  10. so, so fun

     LMAO

    congrats on landing the monster TCA gig! and wicked glad to have you on here

    please keep this list growing, we’re gonna need it for the future lesson plans…

     

    Melissa

    Good health is not a measure of adapting to a sick society.

    When the power of love outshines the love of power, the world will know peace.

  11. you were in my brain today…

     as i put in ba feng and thought: “wolverine!”

     

    Melissa

    Good health is not a measure of adapting to a sick society.

    When the power of love outshines the love of power, the world will know peace.

  12. Fibrospecial is for Dr. Tan’s fibro treatment for when everything hurts but nothing in particular stands out. Patients will start saying “I need a fibrospecial today.”