Today the strangest thing happened. I had a patient ask me a question. We were talking about Ellen, PCA 2, Tucson, and of course the future of PCA. She looked me in the eye and she asked me, “What are we going to do without Ellen?”
So what you don't know, is that I've been kind of wondering this myself. I have worried about the numbers, about the cash flow, about the patients, about the opening of PCA2 and it's effect on PCA1, about our ability to keep up patient numbers after Ellen first goes down to 2 days and then leaves altogether, about me and myself and I and our abilities to lead the way, about Billy and Zem, about the volunteer schedule, and the Firehouse – I mean theoretically it could spontaneously combust right after we sign papers, about the line of credit and the debt, about the past, about the present, about the future, about yesterday, about Korben and Rebecca and Lou and that guy that didn't work out, about the lighting and how long until we'll have to change it, about my lack of partner both in life and at work, about the other CA clinics I've worked at and the lower overhead they operate under, how much smaller they are, how much more stringy the budgets, about hardwood flooring and my irrepressible desire to buy more white noise makers, my complete lack of ability to make a definitive choice between anti-gravity chairs and recliners – I like getting treated and treating in both depending and both are comfortable but suck sometimes – and whether or not this means the whole thing boils down to my inability to do this job. Yesterday Ellen and I were talking about the schedule Billy and I would have, how many shifts how much we can bring in what that will mean for the bills, etc. So. I flipped out. I somehow got it in my head that I would either buy PCA outright on March 1st paid completely or move … move to some unknown location, with unknown people, no job, no plan, no ideas. So – that didn't bode well for our future of the finance module conversation. Ugh. The terror.
And then there I was today. Repeatedly pushing on Li11 with my pointer finger babbling on about PCA2 and how great it would be to have a place in Mt. Airy and noooo I'm not working there, someone has to stay at PCA and hold down the fort. That's what I said, hold down the fort … and while I said it I felt this thing in my belly that I always feel when I'm standing on the edge and I know I'm going to jump. And she says, “Yeah but isn't Ellen like planning on moving to Tucson? What are we going to do without Ellen?.” And then I knew again. Really, I knew all along. I knew from the first time I ever even walked into PCA. I knew when I moved from part time up to fuller time. I knew when I told her that I wanted to grow into owning a clinic not start one on my own – the most calculated off the cuff remark I have ever made. I knew when Ellen fell in love with Josh. I knew when we were sitting on the plane on the way home from Manchester and she was telling me that I really had to investigate my motivations for wanting to own a clinic. I knew when I told my parents, my old CA boss, my friends, an accountant, a few punks, and anyone who would listen and not tell. You know? Every single person I have gone to talk about this has said the same thing … “Cool. Sounds good Sarah let me know how it goes. I totally think you can do this.” Not a single one fought me on it. I had two friends question staying in Philly and the rents wanted to hear more about the debt. Most people just shrugged their shoulders – cause they knew all along too.
If all works out smoothly – Ellen is going to move to Tucson by August of this year (2012). No worries about PCA. I am taking over the place. I got this! I am so totally and one hundred percent into, behind, on top of, and all around this. I LOVE YOU PCA! I will fight for your existence. What will we do without Ellen? We are going to keep on keeping on, that's what we're going to do. Jobs will be had, patients will be treated, volunteers will surf facebook, community acupuncture will still be going on upstairs of the Firehouse at 50th and Baltimore. Come on down for a visit. We would love to see you!
Ellen! I hope the sun is shining in Tucson. I hope Uma and Josh hang like icing on cake, better together. I hope Uma's school is what you were hoping it would be. I hope you get a freakin job already. I love you. Thank you for this most amazing opportunity. I have always told you that you built the most wonderful one. And I will do everything I ever could do to not just keep it open but help it grow! Yeah!!