1. Don’t obsessively check your email during your shift. This is especially true if you are in the middle of some kind of custody battle and you are looking for emails from lawyers or soon to be ex-spouses. You are just asking for trouble. You know the chances of good news are slim. Keep your bad mood where it belongs: at home, not at the clinic. Before you know it you will find yourself telling all late patients to reschedule instead of fitting them in like you know Miriam Lee would.
2. Don’t be having some ongoing text message communique with anyone during your shift. This is not the time for flirting! How can you in good conscience tell your patients to lose the cell phone for an hour when you can’t even go ten minutes without checking for messages? And besides, you know you have charting to do.
3. Don’t start crying when your patients loudly and violently flinch away from your needle in pain, knocking your glasses off and waking up the entire room in the process. Pick up the specs and put on your best game face. This is not about you, remember?
4. Do not judge your partner for doing secret boutique-style house call treatments on his days off. After all, it’s not like he’s on the Board of CAN or anything!
5. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, BLOCK OFF TIME SLOTS IN APPOINTMENTQUEST. Just ask Skip if you don’t believe me. How are you supposed to attract patients if you’re really thinking that you’re gonna need a ten minute break on Thursday at 4:20? Replenish yourself on your own time. Unless your clinic is closed or you just started working at someone else’s CAP, you should be as open for business as possible. You know who you are.
6. Don’t reinvent the wheel. Use the rolling stool!! WCA uses them, I use them, and you will attract patients left and right, rolling around on that thing. Plus, it will save your back. I know someone who doesn’t use his, and let me tell you, he is in all kinds of pain, (though I am open to the possibility that there is no correlation).
7. Do not write your blog post during your shift! You have one patient coming in the door every ten minutes. This is more than any acupuncture student has ever dreamed they could ever begin to be able to handle. Ever. Six patients an hour? Checking for email and text messages? And writing a blog post, without blocking off time slots on appointmentquest? No wonder your patients keep calling to tell you that they are “stuck in traffic.”
OK, someone just sat down in a recliner so I’ll end this one.
p.s. Korben, just go ahead and delete this if you decide it’s irreverent. I know I said I would run it by you but I had to post it while I still had the nerve.