Urgent Call to Action: Protect the Acupuncture Profession!!!

Did you miss me?

I realize I’ve been quiet for…a very long time…but I had to speak up in this moment of crisis.

The POCA Legislative Circle’s Open Letter to the Acupuncture Profession was no doubt well intentioned but I believe that it will have serious unintended consequences — unless we act NOW. (You know what they say about good intentions and the road to hell.) Really I must remonstrate with my POCA comrades for once again acting out so recklessly and without regard for the integrity of the acupuncture profession. I am sure the Legislative Circle knew that this letter would be controversial and would arouse discussion…

but alas, what a discussion! It has revealed so much, so much that should never have been revealed! I speak now of the heretofore hidden wisdom of my esteemed colleague who wrote:

If every acupuncturist would teach their patients to stretch their back by hanging from a tree I am certain we as a profession could eliminate all back pain, prevent countless needless back surgeries and prevent the chain of surgery to opioid addiction.

…from the online book, which is, alas, FREE

Eliminate Back Pain: Hang From a Tree

Oh POCA Legislative Circle, don’t you see what you’ve done? Behold the slippery slope! Now that this private wisdom of a highly trained expert has been put out on the internet for all — YES, ALL — to read, don’t you comprehend what will happen? It is only a matter of time…

before undertrained PTs will be teaching their patients to hang from trees.

You might say that horse is most regrettably out of the barn but don't! Don't be defeatist! Teaching patients to hang from trees is OURS! Don't let the PTs dishonestly steal what is rightfully ours, degrade and co-opt our medicine and diminish our payments! Look around you, acupuncturists, you’re probably in a state where there are trees and every one of them will soon have a PT in it, shamelessly hoisting up patients, curing their back pain, right under your very nose!

There is only one way to stop this.

This is a call for volunteers for the new POCA Chainsaw Circle. We need to clearcut ALL THE TREES before the PTs take advantage of the situation to cure anybody's back pain. OK, maybe that’s a little drastic. We can leave a few trees as long as they’re in the yards of actual licensed acupuncturists, preferably ones that call themselves “doctor”, and as long as those trees are behind a very high fence with spikes on it. No, razor wire. We need razor wire to protect our sacred heritage as healers.

Who’s with me?

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Responses

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  1. Did you see what they DID in New Hampshire? New Hampshire is over 75% forest. So many trees for PTs We are DOOOOMED!!!!

  2. WAIT a sec!!!!

    What about shrubs, or saplings, large bushes? These are probably a problem too. What if people start hanging off these “lesser” plants, and the stems aren’t as woody as they purport themselves to be? Probably we should play it safe and have the PCC cut those down too.

  3. Dear Zang Fool,
    It seems I am the fool. I used a free internet book to do sell a fix for back pain that was within the scope of my local PT/Chiro practice. They, and the patient who was not fixed, but rather concussed when the tree branch broke are now suing me. What do I do?

  4. Dear clabadie,

    how unfortunate.

    1) First, while there is manifestly no dishonor in being a fool, you want to be very careful not to blame yourself or take any responsibility. The real problem here is once again the failure of patients and other professions to appreciate the transcendent wisdom of the licensed acupuncturist. Aren’t concussions a kind of healing crisis? Perhaps the patient’s Du 20 was just crying out for some forceful tui na and the Earth itself heard and obliged? Have you considered promoting yourself as a shaman?

    2)Perhaps you can recoup any legal costs by turning your experience into the basis for a CEU and selling it to L.Acs more foolish than you. This is a time honored way of solving all cash flow problems in our profession.

    most warmly,

    ZF

  5. Too late, FOOLS! I have already patented the “Intense Tui Na from the earth by falling off tree” law suit CEU scheme. I am filing legislation in all 50 states including the US Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, Guam, and American Samoa to be the only one who can train and certify L.Acs in whatever the hell it is.

    Caio,
    Doctor ElizaDeath