WCA Modifies Operations in Response to New Clean Needle Technique Guidelines

In response to the newly released Clean Needle Technique guidelines (https://www.nationalacupuncturefoundation.org/pages4-1-08/publications.html), which replace the earlier rule that acupuncturists may not touch the shaft of the needle during insertion with the new stipulation that acupuncturists may not touch the needle AT ALL  at any time during a treatment, WCA has decided to modify its clinic operations. The new Clean Needle Technique guidelines are similar to the previous ones in that they are not precisely clear how acupuncturists can implement them in an actual clinical setting, with actual human patients, so WCA has resolved to obey the letter of the law and embrace these regulations as an opportunity to create a fully automated clinic.

 First, all WCA acupuncturists will be fitted with extended robot arms.  At least nine feet long, these arms are manufactured of stainless steel to our specifications and will ensure that no acupuncturist gets within “contaminant range” of the “clean field” at any time.

Second, WCA will add a conveyor belt to its community room. Patients will be mechanically lifted and dropped into sterilized recliners, then cycled through the clinic. With the addition of the robot arms and the conveyor belt, we expect to greatly improve our efficiency, thus increasing our patient volume to 30 patients per hour per acupuncturist.

Third, in order to fund these mechanical upgrades, and in response to many requests from other community acupuncturists, WCA is now accepting pre- orders for the Ilse 4.1.08, a fully programmed robot receptionist modeled on WCA’s beloved Teutonic Terror. “She really does run the front desk with an iron fist” (trademark symbol). Sorry, no discounts available.

WCA looks forward to setting the standard for Clean Needle Technique compliance for the community acupuncture movement.

lisafer
Author: lisafer

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Responses

  1. Staff Announcement

    It is much to our dismay that we announce that Skip Van Meter, L.Ac. will no longer be working with us, as even with the 9-foot-robotic arm and the conveyor belt, his hygiene issues are insurmountable.   He is returning to his training as a geologist, as they seem to like dirt there.

    We will miss you Skip.  Everyone raise your hand sanitizer in a toast….

  2. lots of laughter

    Lisa, your humorous post reminds me why I am part of this community. I am reminded of a short article that we posted on our bulletin board which mentioned some research that dirt contains powerful natural antidepressants. The subtext to that may be that overly sterile environments may be dangerous for your help (superbugs, etc.). Okay, better stop here lest this conversation devolves into extremely dangerous turf – HANDWASHING! Skip, your dirt has a purpose, please don’t leave WCA.

     Wink

    Cynicism is a smokescreen for laziness and fear. Clear light mind awaken! Pierce through all layers of doubt and delusion! Inspire me onwards in ceaseless waves of selfless activity.

  3. another suggestion

    Lisa, I might also add that you administer a special drug to each patient as they enter, one of those ones that makes you forget the whole experience afterwards!

    You might also offer a shrink-wrapping service – one the patient has gone through the assembly line, they can opt to be sterilized, shrink-wrapped and labeled before going back out into the wild world of humans, farts, dirt and the like.

  4. Glancing at the blog on

    Glancing at the blog on April 2nd I was caught off guard and using a spotty wifi signal at the office I really only read the headline before getting back to the rest of it hours later…thanks for the belly laugh, you definitely got me going…Cris