In The News: Cannabustion

Cannabustion, the direct burning of cannabis sativa on the skin for therapeutic effect, is being touted as a new and powerfully effective treatment modality capable of treating a variety of health conditions, says the director of acupuncture research and development at Misty Mind Acupuncture College, Paul “Don’t” Wakeham. The technique is believed to be as powerful as traditional moxabustion, which uses mugwart in various degrees of purity. “Cannibustion is similar to moxabustion in that regard.” said Wakeham from his office at the college in Eugene, Oregon. “You can use some really killer shit or some reg’s. It depends what you are trying to do…and how much cash the customer has. Not to mention that sometimes all you have is schwag and that will have to do because it’s better than nothing, I guess.”

Wakeham also sang the praises of cannabustion for self care and gave a list of his favorite self treatment points. Among the most notable were LI 19, CV 24, ST4 and GV25. One point however was his clear favorite: Yintang. “The trick to Yintang is a 15 degree insertion toward GV20 with a nice long 50mm Carbo needle and getting crazy de qi. Then you have to somehow invert yourself. I like to pull a 180 on my couch and hang my head back off the seat cushion. Then you do warming needling technique with a nice fat bud burning off the end of the needle and suck that sweet smoke right up your nose. It’s really killer. Just don’t burn your eyebrows off like I did once. That sucked!”

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The Zang Fool
Author: The Zang Fool

<p> This is a satirical blog post by a practitioner that is serious in his attempts to both increase acupunctures accessibility to the public and challenge practitioners preconceived notions of what acupuncture is and how it functions in society. It may make you laugh, but that is just a means to an end. That end is thought and ultimately positive change. This is what all good satire does: prick, prod and provoke thought and positive change within a community. </p> <p> Satire has long been a part of muckraking and this profession is teeming with muck.  So, in the wake of the nonsense spewed from the foul anus of the Acupuncture-Industrial Complex come my musings on life, love and the proposed doctoral program. </p>

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